“Bato-bato sa langit, pag tamaan wag magalit.”
Or in English, throwing stones to the air. In Filipino, the continuation says, “if anyone gets hit, don’t be angry.” It’s a very Filipino way of dealing with things. Instead of giving our criticisms directly, we “throw it into the air” and expect people to know how to deal with it.
While I love the Filipino sensitivity to relationships (we seem naturally attuned to interpersonal interactions and can adapt quickly), there are times when we take it too far. This is one of those times.
If we have something to say to someone else, it’s best to just say it to them directly. If it’s worth saying, then say it well. If it’s not worth saying, then we should drop it. Either way works. What DOESN’T work are vague hints, guilt-inducing assertions, and indirect (padaplis) statements.
This passive-aggressive form of fail-communication has even made it’s way to the internet in the form of parinig Facebook statuses. (Is that right? Statuses? Statii? Staticocci?) You know the kind: “Some people really should…” If it’s worth saying, it’s worth saying directly. Another funny evolution of this is the dramatic status, then when friends ask the person says, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Hilarious.
So, is there something you need to say? Is there someone you’ve been hinting at and doesn’t seem to get the message? Why not start the process of telling them straight? Rebuild the relationship so you can eventually say what needs to be said. Obviously, we need to employ tact and sensitivity, but we can’t make “waiting for the right moment” be our excuse forever. Say it and enjoy the results.
Some Links to Help You Along the Way
An old blog I wrote about this topic. It’s from almost 5 years ago, but I’m rather proud of it.
A senti-type song to inspire you to speak up