When We Fight

My wife and I just had another lively discussion today. We’ve had a lot of those already and there are many more coming. One thing my dad always told us was,

“Make sure you marry a woman who’ll fight back. Coz you’re not always right.”

Well, I sure followed his instructions in that area.

I appreciate my wife for speaking up, but it can be very tiring when we’re both emotional. We’ve gotten better lately, especially with the learning how to fight fair thing. We still argue, but at least there are rules, kinda like the evolution of the UFC from the backwater illegal fight club to the organized, fastest-growing sport it is now.


Yes, I just compared my marriage to this.

Every once in a while though, we have those that we can’t fix right away. Fortunately, we have an ace up our sleeve – Paolo and Jen Punzalan. They’re our friends from church who we’ve gone to for advice since we started dating. Another helpful piece of advice we heard, and one that we always share with young couples who ask, is

Find a mature couple who you both feel comfortable approaching.

It’s helped us break stalemates, come to an agreement, and understand each other better. And this was no different. Of course, it wasn’t an instant or easy process. It took a willingness to open up, humility to hear correction, and empathy to discover the other person’s side. We really appreciate their openness with us also, explaining their own shortcomings and how they overcame them through the years. As always, we left encouraged, united, and ready to go jump into life together again.

Join the discussion

  • I guess this is what’s lacking with most young couples who get married, having friends/mature couples who will support you and give you advice. But where can one find them? especially if we are all too busy with work or with running the house? You are very lucky indeed to have such great friends.

    • Hi Lee,

      Thanks for your comment and that’s a really great insight. You’ve pointed out two important things – where do we find people like that and how do we find the time? To the first, the Punzalans are just part of a greater set of relationships from church. (And we really are very lucky to have them.) More than a religion or obligation, it’s really about the relationships that we develop there. Perhaps there’s a similar community you’re already part of, or if not, we can help you or anyone find one.

      To the second, I feel that tension. To be honest, we’d been trying to meet up for several weeks but the schedules just weren’t permitting. That’s why it’s a relationship that’s important more than the set frequency or duration. We have to adjust to the different seasons of life, but relationships can be maintained, whether it’s by meeting weekly (we wish!) or from a distance.

      Thanks again for the comment!

  • wow… super nice one… i will share this to my friends and relatives and to loved ones, especially my mom and dad… thanks!

  • wow… super nice one… i will share this to my friends and relatives and to my loved ones, especially my mom and dad… thanks!

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