Almost three weeks ago, I posted this status on my Facebook wall:
It’s a quiet night at the Bonifacio home. Neither of us talking much as we type away finishing our blogs.
Without much emotion or even turning to me, my wife says, “Ikaw na yata ang pinakamagaling manligaw na kilala ko.” (“You are the best I know at courting a woman.”)
And now she can’t understand why I’m walking around like a UFC Champion.
It currently has 646 likes and 18 comments.
I appreciate everyone who celebrated my seemingly shallow thrill and victory. But I don’t think people just like it for me and Carla, but because it speaks to something universal for all of us. There’s something in this status that all men in a relationship are looking for. And there’s also something in it that all women are looking for.
For the men, it’s obvious. (Ladies pay attention.) Men want to be respected. Men want to know that they are the man! I don’t just want my wife to love me, I want her to think I’m amazing! It matters to me that she believes in me and thinks that I’m great.
It doesn’t even have to be about something major. Take something he already does well (be creative, go on a brainstorming session if you have to). And sincerely, honestly, thank him for it and tell him how much you appreciate him for it. You’ll instantly see life pumping into him. That’s why I felt like a champion when Carla said that – not because I believe for a second it’s true, but because it came from her.
Men want respect, and the women who love them have tremendous power in that area. They can use it for harm or use it for good.*
For the women, it’s there too. I am not the best in the world at courting a woman. The statement is objectively not true. To begin with, I’ve only succeeded once so statistically speaking the case isn’t good for me.
But Carla said what she said because I’m the best at courting her. I’m not trying to win some kind of Ultimate Courtship Championship. I don’t need to. I just need to be that for her.
In the same way, if you’re a man in a relationship with a woman, you don’t need to play to everyone’s preferences. In fact, that’s counter productive. What you should do, is win over that right girl. She doesn’t want to know if you’re good at dancing, but will you dance with her. She doesn’t need a generally good conversationalist, but will you speak kindly and interestingly to her. Because women want to be loved. Not the way you want to show love, but the way she wants to be shown love.
Men, we have the power everyday also. And it’s also huge amount of power. Will we use it to strengthen our relationships – giving big and small acts of love? Or will we destroy it by withholding the very thing they crave and choosing selfishness instead.
Love and Respect.** It’s a tale as old as time.
Five of the comments on the Facebook post suggested writing about tips on courting a woman. So on Monday, February 3, I’ll start a series of blogs on what this one-hit-wonder has learned about courting a woman.
*If you want to use the craving for respect for harm: Try saying something like, “Why can’t you be more like__________?” Then praise that other man to the high heavens, making sure your man can’t ever meet that standard. Then when you’re done observe the damage. Then please ask your man to contact me so we can help him learn to live with or leave a witch like you.
**Not original to me. Check out this book for more. But it’s not originally from there too. It’s originally hardcoded into our DNA by the Creator who planted it in us, because true Love and Respect only come from Him. When we get it from Him, we can give it to each other.