How to Get the Girl: Assets

This blog is intended to help and bring insight to people. Please feel free to share this with others. It’s not a platform for shaming, embarrassing, or calling anyone out. Any comments of that nature will be deleted.

While it is addressed to the men, women are welcome to read, comment, and share, especially since their perspective would be quite valuable.

This is the second of a series of blogs on How to Get the Girl. If you’re starting here, I highly recommend going back and reading the first one because the concepts connect to each other.

The last blog ended with the Mindset of Value. This mindset is convinced that the girl is making the right decision in choosing you. The conviction that says, “Choose me and I will spend the rest of our lives showing you you made the right decision.”

Now, that’s easy to say, but hard to pull off. It’s one thing to have the thickness of face (kapal ng mukha) to go up to a girl and say that. But if there’s no substance to back it up, it won’t inspire admiration from anyone.

So here now are some of the Assets men can use to increase the Value they bring into a relationship.

Now, let’s be clear about this list:

  • Women value these differently. It’s not a formula. You could be perfect in all the categories and the girl you like still won’t like you. That’s just the way it is sometimes.
  • There’s no need to perfect everything. Just find the few that you can do and that matter to the girl you like and develop those.


1. Looks

Physical appearances have an effect. That’s just reality. Unfortunately, not all of us are as physically gifted as this guy. Does that mean there’s no hope for us?

Well, thankfully no. (I should know, right?) Yes, some girls are very particular about the man’s physical attributes – washboard abs, hair like Thor, etc. But not every girl is looking for an Abercrombie & Fitch model. When they’re talking about your looks, it has less to do with how you are now, and more to do with what it means for the future.

See, forward-looking women will evaluate a man, not just on his current state, but on his trajectory – where is this guy going to be in the coming years? If at this point in your life you look like you aren’t interested in making an effort to improve yourself physically, how much more when you’re in a long term relationship?

All of that to say, just make an effort to groom yourself, dress decently in well-fitting clothes, and try to be fit. That’s the most we can do without going through plastic surgery. But please, try the other tips before going under the knife.


2. Moneybigstock_Falling_Money_669153

While it’s true that some girls (like some guys) are really all about the money, many girls are not. So what are they looking for when it comes to money? For most of them, it doesn’t have to be a billionaire.

What the majority of women in a survey I read expressed was this (very encouraging) thought: Financial security comes from an emotional feeling that this man will do whatever is necessary to provide for me and our family. In short she wants to know, “Are you willing to do what it takes?” Because if not, women are capable of working hard and providing for themselves, they might not be interested in a relationship with a freeloader.

Remember the principle of the trajectory. You may not have a lot now, but does your life show the ability to make, manage, and save money? If so, someone could look at that and say, “Here’s a man worth taking a risk with.”


3. Niceness

This seems to be the weapon of choice of many guys. “I’ll be nicer to her than anyone else.” And that’s a good thing, but here are two things to keep in mind with niceness:

  • If you’re only nice when it’s convenient for you or to get something from her, then you really aren’t being nice. You’re a user. And girls will feel the difference.
  • Niceness isn’t enough. Some men seem to think that just because they’re so nice to the girl, she almost owes them a date or a relationship. Not true. If you were always nice to the girl, but never direct in communicating your desire to be in a relationship with her, don’t get mad if she doesn’t read your mind. That’s your fault for not stepping up and taking the risk.


4. Togetherness a.k.a. You Have It Together

This means you can take care of yourself. You’re not dependent on someone else. You can pull your own weight and clean up your own messes. If you can’t get your own life in order, how can you expect a girl to jump in with you? No, stop the ship from sinking first, then invite someone aboard.

Make the call! Take the risk! If wrong, admit your mistake. If right, reap the reward!
Make the call! Take the risk! If wrong, admit your mistake. If right, reap the reward!


5. Decisiveness

A guy who wants to get the girl must be willing to take the risk. Make the call! Don’t waver and say, “Well, only if it’s okay, if it’s not then never mind…”

This is where many “nice guys” fail. They hover around, but never make any definitive moves. What’s a girl to do? Then they wonder why women are willing to put up with jerks. Maybe it’s because the jerks were willing to take a risk. (Or it’s also possible that’s the kind of guy the girl likes, in which case you can be a jerk too or pick a different girl.)



6. Something To Respect

Carla put it this way: A girl needs to see a man who’s strong in at least something in life. It might be his work, his passions, his hobbies, his advocacies, or whatever. But basically, she needs to see him in his place of strength. What is he strong at? What is he passionate about? What is he good at? Being strong in the right areas can compensate for weakness in others. (Tip: For most women, being strong in DOTA and LOL has zero or negative effect.)

But I was such a high level already!
But I was such a high level already!

If you don’t know where you’re strong or what you’re passionate about yet, maybe you should postpone looking for a girl and instead find that God-given identity God has for you. Then when you’ve found your niche in life, go looking for a girl again.

It's pretty obvious when you're not conversing well.
It’s pretty obvious when you’re not conversing well.


7. Good Conversation

Most men feel intimacy through physical touch. That’s why when the girl you like happens to touch you – say her arm grazing your arm – it feels like all your nerve endings are alive. And you both feel very close. That happens to women too (or so I’m told), but many women also feel intimacy through conversation – if they feel that they can have a good talk with a person.

So one area men can work on is their ability to talk to women. If your only modes of conversation shift between flirty pick-up lines and teasing her like she’s one of the boys, you’re gonna need to broaden your repertoire. One of the best ways to develop this is to learn to carry a regular conversation with girls you aren’t considering romantically. This will develop this much needed skill for any relationship.


8. Godly Character

We’re talking about value and one of the principles of value is that the more rare something is, the more valuable it becomes. And this is one quality that’s becoming rarer. I know that besides my chiseled physique and high forehead, this is one of the things that Carla liked about me. Your godly character counts for a lot – doing the right thing even when it’s unpopular, self-sacrifice, willingness to be corrected and take responsibility for mistakes.

Just don’t fall into the Niceness Trap in #3. Don’t think that just because you don’t get drunk along with the others, the girl will fall into your arms – you still have to man up, tell her how you feel, and go get her.

A Tagalog expression for "a long shot." Literally means "punch the moon" Click the pic for the source of the design.
A Tagalog expression for “a long shot.” Literally means “punch the moon” Click the pic for the source of the design.


9. Being Persistent

There really is something to be said about being persistent. A good friend of mine was dumped by the girl he liked. Several months later, her feelings for him began to change and he pursued her, won her, married her, and continues to pursue her today. When we asked his wife years later why she gave him another chance she said, “He didn’t change in the way he treated me. He was consistent with how he pursued me in the past.” His persistence was what proved to her that he was the real deal and not some random suitor.


This list is already long, but I’m sure it’s incomplete. I welcome any suggestions or amendments in the comments.

My main hope for any men reading this is we realize two things:

  • This is about value. If the girl sees something of value in you, she’ll jump in. If not, she won’t. Don’t blame her for not jumping in. Check yourself first if you’re providing something of value.
  • There are so many areas to improve in! You might not have Bill Gates’ money, but you can work in other areas. Don’t shortchange yourself. You can be seen as someone of value, because you are someone valuable. (That’s for both the men and women.)

That’s it! Next Friday, I intend to write about the other side – what qualities are you looking for in a partner?




Join the discussion

  • This article spoke to me even as a woman – that I should be Miss Right for the Mr. Right I’m praying for. 🙂

  • Ironic. U say this series is for men but most shares i saw (after sharing it too) are from women 🙂 im referring to the Mindset entry. Something about that “falling” and “catching” that most women relate to. Hashtag hugot 🙂

    Thanks for this post Pastor Jo. Kind of affirms my non-negotiable which I bravely posted on my blog. Brave of me coz it can raise eyebrows especially for “hearts that are not prepared.” I hope you get what i mean by that.

    If u have time, feel free to read them. I only have 4-5 entries so far so it wont be hard to locate :))

    • Thanks Marianne! I read your blog and congratulate you for being so clear about what you’re looking for. I think your categories were specific enough to eliminate distractions, but general enough to not be too restrictive.

  • Can you do a blog on how to be close to the girl that you are eyeing, assuming that you haven’t confessed your feelings and that she doesn’t know just yet? On how to get close to her, get her to open up to you? Thanks and more power! :))

    • Hey! Great idea… Sige, in the later blogs. Right now kasi, we’re still in the pre-ligawan phase. Setting the stage, if you will. But yes, we can do that later on. Thanks!

  • This is great Pastor Joseph… and it is really true… these are the reasons why I said yes to the man I am to marry.. before he formally asked me to be his girlfriend some years ago, he said that he had to wait for months to improve himself, non only physically but in all aspects as well.. and until now, he admits he is not yet there, but he is continuously working to be that man. 🙂

    • Wow, thanks for sharing!

      Now, some people hear that and might think that it makes the woman’s love conditional, “I’ll love you for as long as you’re __________.” But I don’t think that’s the case. The best scenario is if both parties will love each other unconditionally, while continually improving on themselves as an act of love to their partner, not to earn his/her love.

  • Hi sir joseph

    Reading your article today made me realize one thing: i was pursuing wrong women in my life because had I been chasing the right one, I wouldn’t get tired of pursuing her. thank you for this inspirational piece.

    • Wow! Great insight. I was actually gonna write that later on! The right man will pursue the right woman and the right woman will inspire the right man to keep pursuing. But more on that in the later blogs.

  • Thanks for this Pastor Joseph! I believe any man who will read this will have a high standard of being a man. This is a big help to us.

  • Trajectory.

    It’s so true though. The gentleman in mind may not be strong in the Assets above, but if he’s serious about his walk with Christ first and foremost, it will show. It will affect the trajectory of his life, and, as a lady, I believe that is something to be attracted to, and something very, very valuable to us. I think the most basic and most valuable common denominator is probably being already in love with the same person: Christ.

    (On another note, ptr. Joe, thank you! This is such a great blog series! I’m learning so much.)

  • Yes agree. Trajectory. I admire men who has vision and knows what they want. They may not be well accomplished or have results at this time but ladies who are wise and discerning can assess where this guy will be in 5 10 or 20 years time in terms of his finances, career, and family life. Last but NOT least is his relationship with God– thats the most important. You are going nowhere, maybe keep on running in circles if you are not guided with His wisdom, grace and favour.

  • i just started following your blogs (yours and ms. carla’s). and it always feels good to read your blog entries. God bless you and your family with your new baby. May you continue to be a blessing and inspiration to many.

    as a woman, i totally agree with your list, especially 7, 8, 9. 🙂

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