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While it is addressed to the men, women are welcome to read, comment, and share, especially since their perspective would be quite valuable.[table id=4 /]
So what comes after dating? Like I’ve mentioned so many times in this series, I believe dating is process toward marriage. So sooner or later a dating relationship comes to an end – either it doesn’t lead to marriage or it does. Both outcomes are possible and acceptable. Today, we’ll talk about the latter.
If it doesn’t work out…
The dating relationship comes to a close when either or both parties see that marriage to each other is not an option in the future.
There’s nothing wrong with this conclusion. In fact, you can call the dating relationship a success because now you know that it wasn’t going to marriage and you can close that question in your mind.
Before dating Carla, there was another woman I was interested in. She was (is) godly, pretty, and we got along. I told her my feelings for her and my intention to get to know her better. So we dated for a short time.
After a few months, it became clear to both of us that the relationship wasn’t headed in that direction. So we talked over dinner and ended the process. It was short and sweet, and because we had been dating wisely, it wasn’t painful or a regretful moment.
If you’re dating someone now, and you realize that it’s not gonna get to marriage, don’t waste each other’s time. Act immediately.
1. Be honest
The best thing you can do is be honest.
Here’s a chart to help you decide how to tell the person.
2. Be gracious.
Don’t blame, point fingers, or try to hurt the person. There’s no need for that. First of all, if you had been dating wisely, hopefully the feelings haven’t gotten too out of control yet.
Secondly, your goal is just to GET OUT. No need to linger, to blame each other, or to turn this into a war.
3. Be definite.
If you’re ending it, END IT. Don’t try to hang out again for old time’s sake. Don’t get together just on the day of your anniversary. That’s creepy and unnecessary. Are you gonna continue that tradition when you do find the girl for you? Don’t start it now.
If you become friends after that’s great. But don’t go into friendship mode right away. End it first, then let the friendship grow again (if it does.)
This also means, don’t position yourself as your new advisor in all potential men in her future. You aren’t her guardian now. You’re like an actor who walked onto the wrong set. Say you’re sorry, get out quickly, and find the set you’re supposed to be on.
Don’t be EPAL.
The only exception!
The only exception is if you, the guy, still want to give it a try even if the girl says it’s not gonna happen. If that’s the case, back off as far as she says, but hang around and see what happens. Maybe it could restart again. One of my good friends has a story like that which I’ve been trying to get him to blog.
We’re almost done! This Friday is the last entry for If It Does Work Out. When and How to take the dating relationship to the next level.
Our usual suspect is at it again! He just blogged on the same topic as well, check out his website for a hilarious take on the same topic.