This blog is intended to help and bring insight to people. Please feel free to share this with others. It’s not a platform for shaming, embarrassing, or calling anyone out. Any comments of that nature will be deleted.
While it is addressed to the men, women are welcome to read, comment, and share, especially since their perspective would be quite valuable.
This is the last entry in this series! It’s been fun writing about relationships, reading people’s comments, and hearing great feedback. I wanted to put this online also as a resource and database for anyone who is interested.
One of the things I’ve learned is how to put tables in my blog. Like this one:
[table id=5 /]
This last blog is for the guy dating a girl who thinks he’s getting ready to pop the question. They’re getting along and he’s asking WHEN and HOW do I propose?
Carla and I were dating for 10 months when I asked her to marry me. To most people who knew us that was fast. To some people that was slow. A couple I know were engaged two weeks after they first met, and they have a beautiful family today.
When to propose is not an absolute number. It’s case to case. But here are some guiding principles:
1. Don’t propose because you’re being pressured.
Everyone asks you when you’ll propose. All your friends are getting married. She’s starting to hint about it. So you decide to give in and just propose. Wrong. The man must own this decision. Do it because you want to marry her.
2. Don’t propose as a romantic gesture only
I’ve heard of instances where the woman and the man have been having arguments so in order to appease her, pacify her, or please her, he pulls off the biggest proposal ever. That’s crazy. It’s not a way to win points. It’s expressing a desire to spend the rest of your life together. Any points gained during a proposal will quickly vanish when the woman finds out how insincere it was.
3. Don’t propose if you don’t have a plan for after the proposal.
After all the thought that people put into these elaborate, Olympic-opening-ceremonies-level proposals, they should put in ten times as much thought into the future and their life together. If you do propose, and the girl (hopefully) answer yes, then she asks, “What now?” You better have something to say.
Some people make the mistake into thinking that the proposal is some sort of finish line. It’s not. It’s the start of a better race. One you never stop running. You’ll love it.
4. Propose when you know you want to marry this girl and you’re asking her if she feels the same.
If you’ve been following the train of thought of this series, this is the entire question your dating has been asking. Once you know the answer, don’t delay. If it’s a no, then get out. See previous blog. If it’s a yes, go for it. 🙂
***Oh, and you wanna be 99.99% sure she’ll say yes. If you aren’t sure, then maybe don’t propose yet. I’m surprised at the audacity of these men in those public proposal videos where they girl says no. Did they really know so little about her? And why were they so confident to film it?***
Like the WHEN, there are no hard and fast rules for the HOW. Let your imagination run wild! But again, here are some principles:
1. Figure out how she likes it.
Some guys have a dream proposal in their head based on their favorite romantic comedy. Look, the proposal is for the girl, not a place for the guy to show off how romantic he is. And every woman is different. If you really have been dating purposefully, wisely, etc., you’ll know how she’ll like it.
For Carla, I knew that with her introversion and public life, she would prefer a private proposal, but one that our close friends would be able to witness as well. And that’s what we did. It was just the two of us at first, with two well-hidden video cameras to document it, and some family and friends concealed nearby. When you propose, you’re doing it for her, not for yourself. See older blog.
2. Respect her parents.
Ask her parents for their blessing. Hopefully, you’ve gotten to know them during the dating season, so this isn’t a complete shock. It shows that you are a man, not a boy, and that you are willing to take responsibility.
Even if things aren’t going well between you, let them know about your intentions. You’ll be surprised what a difference it can make. (Just do it on the day itself when they won’t see her before the proposal so they can’t spoil the surprise. hehe) In the words of my good friend who advised me on this, “Hindi mo naman pinapaalam, pero pinapa alam mo lang sa kanila.” (You aren’t asking for permission, but at least let them know.)
3. Thoughts on the Ring
The traditional thought on an engagement ring is a diamond one. But that’s rapidly changing.
There are plenty of articles now talking about how artificially priced diamonds are, how they’re mined in terrible ways, and how there are many alternatives. If you and your girl agree on this perspective, then great! Don’t be pressured to buy one. Remember, the goal of the ring is to communicate how much you value her and how you’re willing to work hard for her.
I hope you’re not buying a large stone because you think that’s the only way you’ll get her to say yes. I’ve always felt that a woman who decides who she marries based on the size of the rock offered to her is like a baby’s soiled diaper – keep it far away and only touch it when you’re getting rid of it.
Check out this blog for a helpful guide on other valuable stones you can use.
4. Be yourselves
You two have a history now. You know each other. Enjoy that part of it. Don’t try to propose like other people. Do what you know works for her. She’ll love that you didn’t use a template, but instead, you show her that you really know who she is.
Like every stage in our relationship, I look back with so much fondness on the day I proposed to Carla. It was tense, nerve-wracking, comedic, and memorable. And it only got better from there.
I’ve heard so many great proposal stories, and I’m happy for those people who have that. But more than that I’m happy for the beautiful love stories of two lives becoming one. And I hope for the same for all of you.
If you missed the link earlier: this was the inspiration to my post. (Or was it the other way around?)