You Don’t Need to Be a Heartthrob

Heartthrobs. Women want them and Men want to be them. What could be a better deal? But not everything is easy for heartthrobs as this video will attest.


But seriously, there’s a potential danger to being a heartthrob. To be precise, it’s not to being a liked by many women per se, but when one gets used to the idea of being liked by many women.

When a man begins to enjoy this adulation, when he actually begins to believe he’s as perfect as his fans say, this is the beginning of a dangerous trend.

Three Possible Negative Effects:

1. The man might not be used to developing himself.

Like a high school sports phenom who refuses to put in the necessary practice, but still gets by through sheer talent, boys who easily win girls’ admiration might think that’s gonna continue all through life.

So the man lands a girl, but he wonders why she isn’t his raving fan anymore. Why does she insist on his personal improvement? Why isn’t she so dazzled by his features, that she can overlook his other flaws? Why mess with a good thing?

No woman, no matter how in love, will stay forever blind to her man’s flaws. If she really loves him, she’ll want him to improve. Men who think they’re already perfect can’t handle that. They might be tempted to leave this tough-loving woman and look for another starry-eyed girl because…


2. He might mistake admiration for love.

She looks lovingly into your eyes. You whisper sweet-nothings into her ear. Your fingers run through her hair. She melts into your arms. That’s love isn’t it? Maybe, maybe not.

When men pursue the rush from being someone’s crush, they get dissatisfied when the relationship doesn’t have the initial excitement it did. They don’t realize that a richer, more powerful, love is available to him who would sacrifice himself.

Don’t look for a girl who’s impressed with you. Look for someone who believes in you. Those are two different things. Someone could be impressed with you because you’re impressive. That’s focused on the present. But someone who believes in you is focused on your future.

I would never trade the admiration of many women (not that I had that anyway) for the love of my wife.



3. He might not be used to pursuing because he’s always pursued.

Getting a girl to like you isn’t the hardest part. Keeping her, loving her, nurturing her, making her flourish – these are the true tests of a man’s love. But for the man whose used to taking his pick from admirers everywhere, the thought of pursuing the woman long into the relationship is foreign. Why pursue her now when he didn’t have to work so hard for her?

This is the perspective of many “eligible bachelors” who stay single for a long time. They’re taking their sweet time because their perspective is of a shopper choosing the best deal, not of a hunter pursuing the person of his desire.



This isn’t to hate on heartthrobs, as many of my good friends are. Here’s a great blog by one such heartthrob. And just because lots of women already like you, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to this. Just remember that as a man your role is to pursue and sacrifice. Don’t think too highly of yourself and you’ll be fine.

And for the rest of us, don’t think you need to be a teen idol in order to find a spouse. You don’t need many girls to like you. You’re only looking for one woman to love you. You don’t need to be a heartthrob. 🙂

Buti nalang
Buti nalang
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  • Yeah! This is a good read Pastor Jo! I hope guys will from this. My favorite ones were:
    “As a man your role is to pursue and sacrifice. Don’t think too highly of yourself and you’ll be fine.”
    “You don’t need many girls to like you. You’re only looking for one woman to love you. You don’t need to be a heartthrob.”

  • Once upon a time I’ve been on a relationship with a heartthrob were I’ve been pursued a bit, but not the way I want to be pursued (not enough). I remember the Singles talk last Friday; Carla shared about being in a relationship with someone who always wants to meet half-way. It was the scenario that most girls experienced if they show too much appreciation/effort for the guy during the dating season.
    Perhaps, his knowledge of liking him so much and allowing him to feel that “I can’t live without you” and “I really like you this much and this BIG!” didn’t give him the urge to pursue me more. I would even make things work by allotting my leaves for him just to be with him because I used to believe that “he loves me but he can’t make time for our relationship. So I will find a way”

    At some point, it’s kind of exhausting for a girl to do all the work for the guy. Perhaps the role is not mine to do that makes it really exhausting. After so many years of being in a relationship, woman will be tired of doing the same things for a man if it is not reciprocated with action or if the woman does not get the proper nurturing from the man.

    Before, I don’t like the idea of man pursuing too much because I think they’re just good at it at the beginning. The problem is sustainability. I would prefer guys who would just show their real selves during the dating season. Now I’ve experienced the dangers of just being themselves and not putting acceptable effort for the relationship.

    To be in a relationship with a heartthrob needs a lot maturity because he might still believe that his just going to be chased for the rest of his life and when the problem arise in the relationship, he won’t be able to fix and he will just wait for the girl to fix the matter. And if the matter was not fixed by the girl, he can just sit around; wait for another girl who is just willing to do the same old thing.

    Lessons learned. Thanks a lot for posting this.

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