A few weeks ago, Carla and I gave a talk at our church in Singapore for the singles. We had a great time with everyone and as usual, ran out of time answering people’s questions. So we took a bunch of questions home and will answer them in two blogs.
We pulled in our resident consultant, Jek Valle, who was also based in Singapore some time. So here are the questions, typed up as submitted!
1. How do you handle temptations?
He Said: First, I know that this temptation isn’t unique to me. And I know it’s been beaten already by Jesus. I fight by staying far away and letting people around me who I trust know that I need help in this area.
She Said: Maybe cliché to many, but really by praying, by asking the Holy Spirit to give me self-control. The other thing is to stay away from areas, situations, etc., which are conducive to do that which is not right.
Jek Said: For me, hinde ko talaga hinahawakan yang temptation,… ooopsss sorry the questions here came from Singapore , <switch to channel 2> Don’t be so difficult lah! Tempation always battle passion lah! If no passion, NO good one! Who/what are you passionate about? And of course God can make a way out lah! But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Corinthians 10:13c). Please see Joshua Harris (not the author) , for translation.
2. Did you have any serious fight and how you managed to resolve it as couple?
He Said: We’ve had a number serious fights. The specifics vary, but they are always resolved when both of us decide to be humble and act in love instead of being proud.
She Said: Many serious fights. When you love a person and have bouts of sinfulness and selfishness, these things will find a way to clash and they can hurt real bad. But how do we resolve it? By communicating well and working hard to against the laziness of not wanting to resolve things. And by swallowing our pride when need be. Sometimes saying sorry is all it takes, and yet sorry isn’t a very easy thing to give, isn’t it?
Jek Said: Oh yes! There are serious that we can handle and by ourselves. But if things are really serious tha answer is the “SOFA”. Will seat on a Sofa with our Leaders talking to us. Hi Ate Jen And Kuya Pao!:) GV lang po!
He Said Again: Wait, kasama ka, Jek?
3. How do you deal to individual differences after got married?
He Said: Someone gave us this really great piece of advice two months into our marriage: “Different doesn’t mean wrong. In fact, differences make you strong.” When we heard this, it really helped us not be stressed out by each other’s differences. Now, we still fight over it, but when we come together and reconcile after, we see how our differences make us better.
She Said: By learning to take in what is good for both of you from each other, and learning to drop that which is not good for the marriage from each other.
Example: I love to climb mountains. But because it is not good to climb mountains and do adventurous things with other boys without my husband, I refuse to do it without him any more. This is a shallow example, but I believe it is clear in illustrating how we drop practices that do not promote the marriage.
Jek Said: Please email me, next year so I can answer this properly. Jekoy_18@yahoo.com
4. Did you feel pressured having sex with someone who had “more experience than you” ?
He Said: Not really. Not ever, even. I think my stunning features provide me a natural advantage in this area. Perhaps a better question might be how Carla controls her animal attraction to me.
But seriously, no, that was never an issue for us. I think when you have sex for love within the God-given boundaries of marriage, you realize that sex isn’t a performance act where one would feel pressure. Instead, it’s the celebration of the other person and the relationship at its most vulnerable, naked, real, and beautiful state. You don’t get pressured when you’re celebrating each other.
She Said: I don’t think he was pressured because for us, sex is not performance. It is enjoyable and purposeful intimacy with the one I married.
Jek Said: Alamak! Why layk that? Dont know meh.. No pressure at all. No experience at all.
5. What are your view/s about LONG DISTANCE COURTSHIP?
He Said: I am not fond of it personally. I hate being away from Carla and my days don’t feel complete without her. That’s why I have a lot of respect for couples who can make a long distance relationship work. I think you want to minimize the time you’re away though. And if you’re going to be away consistently for extended periods of time, it might be time to check your priorities and decide what’s really important to you.
She Said: Tough. I don’t like it, and I don’t think I can stand it. But some people are graced for it, and I admire the way they go about the relationship. I think it will really only work if you are clear about what you want and what God has graced you for.
Jek Said: It’s easy and affordable. Because there’s Very Low Rates na ang SMART!
Affordable international call & text services. Sa bawat kwento, may text or call abroad! Choose from the following promo:
200 IDD minutes (P1.50/min) to USA, Canada, Singapore and HK.
HelLow Reloadable IDD Card
P30 reloadable IDD Card. Cheaper rates to 25 countries.
HelLow Reloadable IDD Card 90
Consumable 30 minutes to all networks, landlines, and to USA, Canada, Singapore, HK.
Consumable 100 minutes to all networks, landlines, and to USA, Canada, Singapore, HK.
Talk ‘N Text 3pIDD
P3/min na IDD calls. Di na kailangan ng IDD card.
But on serious note, it’s a big effort that you need to make. if you prayerfully considered that she is the one, then be it. NO matter what the cost, but because of SMART’s very low IDD rates….