I’ll Let You Change Me

It’s past midnight, but I don’t feel like sleeping. That’s because Carla and Philip are at a resort with my in-laws.

I usually have to play Tetris around their bodies, as both of them like to toss and turn throughout the night. There’s no telling what position they’ll adopt, but it often finds my ribs.

You would think that I’d be happy for the opportunity to have a quiet night in bed, reading as long as I want, before a rare uninterrupted sleep. But I’m replaying the videos from our Japan trip over and over, while counting the hours till they get back.

I’m pathetically sentimental.

Funny thing is, I wasn’t like this before. Being a husband and a father is changing me. It’s rewriting my operating system.

That’s one of the ways you know it’s love – it changes you. You let the relationship change you.

Some people say, “You should never be with someone who forces you to change.” And I agree with that.

But a relationship that involves no change isn’t much of a relationship at all. If both parties remain exactly the same, then they have had no intimacy, no shared life, no real connection.

So change is necessary, but it must never be forced. A true loving relationship is one where you can say to each other,

  • “I’m willing to change to be with you.”
  • “Being with you will result in the best version of me.”
  • “Anything that keeps us apart isn’t worth holding on to.”
  • “I’ll let you change me.”

I was browsing some old family documents today and saw that my wife kept our original wedding vows. I made promises that day that changed me and are still changing me. I still remember my thoughts when I first held Philip, “Lord, help me do right by this boy. Change whatever you need to in me.”

"You acknowledge that you are no longer your own, but mine."
“You acknowledge that you are no longer your own, but mine.”
"I'll love you till my hair falls out and beyond."
“I’ll love you till my hair falls out and beyond.”


That’s what faith in Jesus is. Jesus isn’t forcing anyone to change to be with Him. In fact, the whole idea of Hell is God creates a place where people can be whoever they want to be apart from God and all of His Goodness.

Those who put their faith in Jesus are saying, “I’m willing to let you change me. Coz I’d rather be with You than anything else.” They can make this statement because they know Jesus underwent the most significant change – He became human, lived with us, and experienced separation from the Father – just to win us back.

Some people say, “God loves me, and so He won’t change me.” That’s the sentiment behind Lady Gaga’s song, Born This Way. Too many people believe this is what it means to know God.

But these people aren’t looking for a relationship with God. They’re looking for license to keep living however they want to live. They want God’s blessing, God’s approval, but not God Himself. There is no relationship. There’s no love.

A real relationship changes you. The deeper the relationship, the deeper the change.

  • Are you married and resisting the change? Some habits need to go. Instead of thinking of what has been given up, think of your spouse who you’ve made a covenant with before God.
  • Or maybe we’re parents but are still coming to grips with how our kids are changing our lives. It’s fine. Keep the relationship the focus and let it happen. We’ll be glad for the outcome.
  • Maybe we have a friendship that’s undergoing tension right now because we’re fighting the change we need to go through. Friendships that won’t change with time, don’t last through time.
  • And lastly, our relationship with God. Have we trusted God to let Him change us? Do we believe that He will make us into the best version of ourselves?

Time to go to bed. They’ll be back tomorrow.

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